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R.I.P LEO MY BABY

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smudge's picture
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Joined: 10.10.2008

:( IVE VERY RECENTLY HAD TO MAKE THE HARDEST DESCISION EVER TO HAVE MY DOG PUT TO SLEEP. HIS NAME WAS LEO AND HE WAS A 9YEAR OLD DOBERMAN DOG WHO IVE HAD SINCE 10 WEEKS OLD AND LOVED WITH ALL MY HEART. HE WAS THE HAPPIEST AND MOST HEALTHY DOG WHOD SUFFERED NO PROBLEMS OR ILL HEALTH TILL ABOUT SIX WEEKS AGO. AFTER MANY TESTS I WAS INFORMED THAT THE VETS WERE VERY SURE HE WAS SUFFERING FROM BONE MARROW CANCER. THEY TOLD ME TREATMENT WAS POSSIBLE IF THEY COULD GET A PROPER DIAGNOSIS WHICH WOULD HAVE INVOLVED HIM HAVING A BONE BIOPSY OPERATION. THEN IF WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS PROVEN CORRECT HE COULD RECIEVE CHEMO THERAPY. THE THING IS HED DETERIATED SO MUCH IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS I WAS WARNED HE MIGHT NOT SERVIVE THE ANAESTHETIC. I TOOK HIM HOME AND HAD A COUPLE OF DAYS THINKING TIME ON WHAT TO DO WHICH INVOLVED ALOT OF TEARS. HIS LAST BLOOD TESTS SHOWED THE START OF KIDNEY AND LIVER FAILURE ALONG WITH OTHER PROBLEMS. HE HADNT ATE A PROPER MEAL FOR APPROX 3 WEEKS AND WHEN HE DID ATTEMPT IT IT WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH HIM. HE COULDNT EVEN HOLD HIS WATER. ID NEVR SEEN HIM SO THIN HE DIDNT EVEN HAVE ANY MUSCLE TISSUE LEFT. THE FINAL DESCISION CAME WHEN GETTING UP ONE MORNING TO A FLOOR COVERED IN URINE AND DIAORHEA. THE SMELL WAS THAT OF A DOG DYING. IVE SMELT IT BEFORE IN DOGS SUFFERING FROM PARVO AND DISTEMPER ITS AWFUL. HE ALSO HAD TROUBLE STANDING AS HIS LEGS WERE SO SHAKY. THAT WAS IT FOR ME, AS HARD AS THE DESCISSION IS I PHONED THE VETS AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION. I COULDNT WATCH HIM SUFFER ANY LONGER. ONCE AT THE VETS I EXPLAINED MY DESCISION AND THE REASON WHY. THE VET TRIED TO GET ME TO CHANGE MY MIND AS TO HER HE WAS STILL FULL OF ENRGY AND HAPPY BUT TO ME HE WAS STARVING TO DEATH IN FRONT OF MY EYES. SHE WANTED ME TO GO THROUGH WITH THE BONE BIOPSY OPERATION AND THEN HOPEFULLY CHEMO. EVEN THOUGH ID BEEN TOLD THERE WAS A GREAT RISK HE WOULDNT SURVIVE IT. I FOUND THIS SO ANNOYING AND UPSETTING AS ID MADE THE HARDEST DESCISSION EVER AND SHE WAS TRYING HER BEST TO CHANGE MY MIND. I EXPLAINED TO HER THAT IF THEY COULD GAURANTEE ME HED RECOVER WELL I WOULD GO THROUGH WITH IT BUT ID ALREADY SPENT HUNDREDS OF POUNDS WHICH HADNT HELPED HIM IMPROVE ATALL. SHE THEN EVEN SAID CHEMO WOULD ONLY PROLONG HIS LIFE FOR A FEW MONTHS. I WENT THROUGH WITH THE EUTHANASIA AS I THOUGHT IT WAS BEST FOR LEO. ONCE AT HOME I COULDNT HELP THINK HAD I DONE THE RIGHT THING, WAS I CRUEL TO DO WHAT I DID IF THE BIOPSY AND CHEMO WOULD HAVE MADE HIM BETTER. IM STILL STRUGGLING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND THE GRIEF JUST DOESNT SEEM TO EASE. IF I HADNT WENT THROUGH WITH IT MY WORST FEAR WOULD HAVE BEEN WAKING UP TO FIND HIM DEAD BECAUSE THEN HE WOULD HAVE SUFFERED WHICH I WOULD NEVER HAVE WANTED. IM HAVING HIM CREMATED ALONE AND HIS ASHES RETURNED TO ME TO SPREAD IN OUR GARDEN WHERE HOPEFULLY IL FIND A NICE MEMORIAL PLAQUE AND FLOWERS TO MARK THE SPOT WHICH MAKES ME FEEL BETTER AS HEL BE HOME WITH US ONCE MORE. HAS ANYONE ELSE EXPERIENCED THIS SITUATION HOWD DID YOU COPE?