A letter to my pets

littlelab

Letter to My Pets:

Dear furkids

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other
dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food
does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this.
Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort.
Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to
the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow,
try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to
pull it open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Honest.
Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time --canine
or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other
dog's/cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on our
front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets ---

1. The pets live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why it's call "fur"niture.)

3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted
son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
____________
Natalie and Co xxx

Jungleking

lol

pollaton

love both of them. the second is being printed out and stuck on our door, due to my sister coming to visit in a couple of weeks and always moans that she ends up covered in fur. (wilson likes to share) Very Happy

____________

sambo

Absolutely brilliant Laughing

have to say Michelle thats a great idea as most of my friends are anti animals.
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