My beautiful fluffy little lad died on the 5th of this month, his name is Gizmo and i've had him since he was 10 weeks old. He would of been 17 in June. I've known him longer than i havn't, i can't get my head around it.
We went to the cremation and he's now in a box on the table, i'm heartbroken, and it hurts so much to see that box everyday but i can't seem to put it somewhere out the way as i dont want it put on a shelf or in a corner even though, really, i know he's not in there i just can't do it.
The vet said he had kidney failure a few months ago but that they could put him on a drip and reduce the problem but not cure it. We did this but he seemed so traumatised after the 10 hours he was on it that i knew it would be selfish to ask for him to have it again. A coupla weeks before Christmas he was back at the vets because he was having trouble eating, the vet said that it was because he had some bad teeth and that they would have to come out but he would have to be put under anhaesthetic which would be dangerous for him cos of his kidneys but on the other hand if he didn't have it done he would carry on having difficulty to eat. We decided to have this done, he was placed on a drip while having the op and, after a few days, he was back to his old self, jumping about and purring. I've never been so relieved and happy. 10 days went by and he started to dip again, we took him back to the vet who'd said that if it frightened him so much to be put on the drip they cold give him an under the skin injection which would help his kidney failure, unfortunately this did nothing to help him and he deteriorated very quickly, i just kept trying to feed him things the vet had suggested but he didn't have the will anymore. I look back now and wish i'd known in that last week that it wasn't hours spent on preparing him food that he wanted he just wanted love and attention off his mum. I feel so unbelieveably guilty for not being there for him when he was so frightened and poorly i'll never forgive myself. On the 5th we took him back to the vets and she said that it was either placing him on a drip for 48 hours every couple of weeks or to say goodbye i didn't know what to do. I had my mum, dad and fiance say that they thought it was his time and to let him go, i'm glad in a way as i wouldn't have had the strength to decide myself but on the other hand i was his mum and it was down to me and i feel so guilty that i maybe could of done something and he'd of been ok at least for another summer as he loved the sunshine so much.
I can't put into words what i'm feeling as it's so painful, personal and raw but my heart goes out to anyone having to deal with this, there's a lovely poem on the cambridge pet crematorium website called "if it should be"
Hope it helps xxx
Posted:
Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:35 am
Hcollie85 TopDog
Joined: Nov 13, 2006 Posts: 2908 Age: 23 No.Of Pets: 1 Pet Types: dog, jack russell
Karma: 19 Thank
Location: Isle Of Mull, West coast Scotland Medals: None
Oh poor you, you did the right thing and I'm sure Gizmo knew how much you loved him. I lost my darling Ribsy over a year ago now and I still have her ashes in my living room on a side table with her photo. I couldn't scatter them because she hated going outside!
Take your time in your grief and please don't feel guilty, you did everything possible for your boy.
Thinking of you XXXX ____________ Georgia, Honey Bear, Rosie, Obi, Timber, Mia, Oscar and Mango XXXX
Posted:
Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:15 pm
littlelab Moderator
Joined: Jan 07, 2006 Posts: 2490 Age: 36 No.Of Pets: 5 Pet Types: 2 Dogslets and 3 Kittys
Don't beat yourself up, hard I know when you loose a dog and companion you have had for so many years.
Take comfort from knowing that he had the best life any dog could have had with you.
The Journey
When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey - a journey that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet also test your strength and courage If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life, about yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed forever, for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark.
Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures - jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears.
If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of valuable information. Your pace may be slower - except when heading home to the food dish - but you will become a better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field.
Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details - the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig. Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape, we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog knows: that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own.
Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching summer insects collecting on a screen. (How bizarre they are! How many kinds there are!), or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by.
You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride. You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewie toys, bounce little rubber ballstill your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie - with a cat in hot pursuit - all in the name of love.
Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound.
You will learn the true measure of love - the steadfast, undying kind that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together." Respect this always.
It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race.
And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway.
If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be - the one they were proud to call beloved friend.
I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go. A pet's time on earth is far too short - especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for awhile, and during these brief years they are generous enough to give us all their love, every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left.
The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle now gray. Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return.
When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead - young and whole once more.
"Godspeed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.
~ Crystal Ward Kent ____________ Natalie and Co xxx
Posted:
Sat Feb 24, 2007 1:33 pm
poppydog83 TopDog
Joined: Feb 07, 2007 Posts: 682 Age: 24 No.Of Pets: 7 Pet Types: 3 dogs,1 hamster and 3 rats
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keep smiling and be prode of yourself for making his life happy and playful.
