Cat Joke - How to Give That Cat a Pill

jabbro

1. Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill in mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat the process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill into back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowlk and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
6..Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set aside for gluing later.
8..Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's arm pit. Put pill in end of large drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9..Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band aid to spouse's arm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus injection. Throw T-shirt away and get new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while trying to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy duty garden gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with a spanner. Push pill in mouth followed by a large fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency ward, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
15. Stop by furniture store on way home and order new table.

shadylady

oh my god cruel way to give cats pills, glad my cats arnt like that i would give up after while some things i was laughing at though....
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